Arianna's new glasses

Arianna at 3.5 years old

And what post would be complete without some Arianna pictures!





To say I'm proud of her would be an understatement, she's amazing to me :)

I'm published!

She had a hard time growing

When Jennifer DeCesari learned that she was about to deliver her baby at 28 weeks, her first reaction was to say, “I’m a preemie, too. Everything will be OK.”

But now, DeCesari sees in her daughter’s struggles reminders of her own painful childhood. And she has found that everything is not OK.

DeCesari was born in Boston in 1978 at 30 weeks’ gestation, weighing just over 3 pounds. She was socially immature, physically weak and uncoordinated until high school — a scared, awkward little girl who got so lonely at lunchtime that she’d talk with her mother on a pay phone.

“I see similar things in my daughter,” DeCesari says now. Arianna was born in March 2006 weighing just under 3 pounds. Despite a comparatively easy time in the neonatal intensive care unit — the baby needed a ventilator for only 18 hours –– Arianna has had a hard time growing since she came home. She got sick immediately, required two hospitalizations and fell prey to every bug that wafted by.

DeCesari could not leave her job as a computer programmer because she held the health benefits for the family. To keep Arianna away from the germs in day care, she spent her salary on a nanny. Eventually her husband, Shawn, got a job with benefits and DeCesari left hers.

Meanwhile the little girl developed severe reflux and to this day has difficulty eating. At age 3, Arianna is physically fragile and very tiny: at her June checkup she measured 33 inches tall, and weighed 26½ pounds. She didn’t walk until she was 1½ and today still has to crawl to get up the stairs. She has asthma and catches colds easily. She has a stutter.

“She gets sick a lot,” DeCesari says. “Every single time she gets a cold she doesn’t eat for a week. They’ll weigh her, they’ll look at me, ‘She’s lost more weight.’ … Frequently she’s off the [growth] chart, not even on the chart. No matter what I pump into her she doesn’t gain any weight.”

Now DeCesari, who lives in Cumberland, is wrangling with the school system to get services for Arianna, facing long waiting lists for programs such as speech therapy. But Arianna is bright, already able to read.

Looking ahead to Arianna’s school days, DeCesari says, “She’ll be emotionally behind all the children her age, making her a target for teasing, and will have some attention and focusing problems. … I don’t see her childhood being an easy one.”

But DeCesari remembers that once she got to high school, her own social problems improved. She did well academically and attended college. She thinks prematurity hasn’t affected her adult life, except for some vision problems. And she hopes Arianna will be as fortunate.

Someday...

...I'll look back on this shot and want to get this time period back. I'm so glad I have a picture!

I can appreciate

There are days when I am more appreciative of how hard some things are for Arianna. Of course she doesn't know its hard, it's all she's known, but one day she'll realize it.

Arianna got a bad stomach bug Sunday. At 3 PM she was running a fever of 103. I was running out the door to photo session so I gave the tylenol to Dad and told him to watch her. I got home and things were ok, fever broke. 11 PM she was in bed and violently vomitted around her room. Fever back up to 103.6 and she is sweating and shaking. I put her in the bath, send Dad to the store to get ibuprophen, lay Arianna on our bed to watch Family Guy (ya, well, it was the only cartoon on at that time of night) and we clean up her room.

It's a typical childhood illness - she'll survive. But not before losing a pound or two and essentially stopping eating for a week.

Daria is not sick. As a matter of fact Daria hasn't been sick since she was 3 weeks old. She may get a runny nose but we haven't had to suction her nose, give her breathing treatments, pump her full of calories or worry. We haven't had to stress with Daria!

I'm crying just writing this. Arianna has had it so hard. We have had it so hard with her. I'm not kidding when I say that there isn't a meal that goes by that doesn't either have major cajoling by us or ends in tears. It's ridiculously stressful! Daria, on the other hand, eats ANYTHING and EVERYTHING we put in front her - no matter the amount. It's incredible! I don't know what to do with a child that is as happy as her. I don't know what to do with a child that simply EATS and easts well! She's so happy and EASY...

Life hasn't been fair to Arianna. I know it could certainly be worse but it could also be better... alot better.

Back from 'the dead'

I know, I know... where have I been?

I've been busy with life. I had to reorganize my priorities the last few weeks because EVERYTHING was out of control - I'm not kidding. I dropped the majority of those stupid MOMS groups and joined Flylady.net again. The house is clean, the kids are happy and, more importantly, I'm happy.

My photography business is booming right now - 8 sessions this month! Wow!

The kids are doing well. Daria is such a joy. She's so easy and happy. I'm so hopelessly in love with that girl. She went on a nursing strike over the weekend due to teething and I cried so hard on Sunday. I was so sad that she may be 'over' me. Thankfully she changed her mind Monday morning. It really made me realize what a special relationship we have.

Feeding Daria is so easy. ANYTHING we put in front of her, she eats! It's amazing. She eats anything and everything. I was very casual with the whole 'introducing foods' thing and now she's on all table foods. Arianna was so total different its not even funny. This morning I gave Daria some strawberries and cheerios for breakfast and hubby commented "We could NEVER give Arianna cheerios at this age", and he's right. Arianna gagged on EVERYTHING and was very fussy when feeding. Daria we don't even have to feed - she does it herself. She is her happiest when in the highchair eating. There will be no force feedings, no 'mesermizing with the TV' and most importantly - no tears from either of us. The difference between these two, as far as eating is concerned, is astounding. I marvel at it. I told hubby the other day "So this is what feeding a baby is supposed to be, fun?". Arianna wasn't fun, still isn't fun. Daria eats more than Arianna most days. There is seldom a meal that doesn't end with me yelling at Arianna to eat - seriously. I think she'd go all day without eating - but she'll drink milk all day long, still. I get sad just typing that.

Arianna is reading now - last week we were in a restaurant with a friend and Arianna took my menu from me and pointed at an item and said "Mommy, I want the fish", and sure enough, she was pointing to a fish meal. I think I jumped up and screamed "OH MY GOD!!! YOU CAN READ!!" I was so excited. She's so amazing to me.

3 years old is hard. She's so sassy and at times so unbelievably disrespectful that it makes me want to go crazy and smack the smirk right off her face. But I have to keep in mind that 'this too will pass'. I had to give up on the whole 'let her dress herself' thing too - she's just so reliant on me doing everything for her that even the act of taking off her shirt is cause for breakdown. Last week she broke yet another pair of glasses - she's getting new ones on Thursday but I swear I'm going to order the rubber ones cause when she's being a snotty little brat and throws them on the ground they can just bounce right back up and hit her in the nose.

She better win an Oscar when she gets older! She's an unbelievable drama queen - I really have NEVER met a kid that can be so over the top about things. Sensory situations are the worst. Stepping on something gooey or squishy will immediately lead to falling on the ground screaming. Brushing her hair is an epic event every day. I've actually gotten to the point where I put TONS of crap in her hair to keep it so silky smoothy that one of those head lice combs could get through her thick hair with ease. I should just shave her head.

So ya, things here are good - just INSANELY busy and that's a good thing. So much has changed in the 9 months Daria has been here, good and bad. I've learned alot about myself and that I have so much to work on!

I won't promise to be back blogging more cause I hate to break a promise... but I hope to catch an inspiration breeze soon :)

Here's a picture I took to commemorate Daria's 9 month birthday :)

My girls

Today was another preemie dig at my heart & soul.

Arianna had her 3 year pediatrician appointment.

She's 36" tall, finally. But lost weight, again. She's 26 lbs. 1 oz. She has a cold, no surprise, but I think we've come to the conclusion she has asthma and will need to be on medicine now. Although this is totally no surprise to me I'm bummed. Being a preemie has hit her hard for being a nearly 29 weeker. Heck, I was only 2 oz. bigger than her when I was born at 30 weeks and I haven't dealt with what she's dealt with. It makes me sad and feel guilty at the same time.

On the bright side though we're working hard on our phonics and math and she's doing great. She can read a few words and what she can't read she can at least sound out phonetically and sometimes figures them out. She's really amazing me with the attention level she has for this.

Gross motor wise, well... she's really far behind. I see it more and more. She goes to gymnastics and can't do anything the 2 year olds can do. Her gait is really immature for a 3 year old, she can't/won't jump, can't/won't 'do' stairs and is very clumsy - to the point that I think she's a danger to herself. But, as her pediatrician pointed out, it's not delaying her advancement so we'll just let it 'get better'. Well how can it get better without help? I'm really concerned about it and don't feel I'm getting much help.

She still stutters, especially when asking a question, but apparently they don't do anything about it until age 5 and even then its done through the school system which is backlogged, under staffed and unorganized.

Daria is 7 months now and weighing in at a very hefty 19 lbs. She's in the 90th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height - she's just a moose! She sits up on her own fully now, gets up on her hands and knees for crawling (but thank god doesn't do it yet), is experimenting with solid food and today she said 'mama'. She has the most infectious laugh and is totally a dream baby - sleeps well and hardly ever fusses. She nurses avidly and makes me so very happy - she's my sanity saver when Arianna is 'in a mood'.

What post would be complete without pictures of my babies? I took these last week at the Roger Williams Park Botanical Gardens.

Year Three

Today my preemie pumpkin turns 3. She amazes me every day - earlier this week she demonstrated to me that she can read the words 'cat', 'hat' and 'bus'. She also deomonstrated what a sassy attitude year 3 carries with it. I'll miss 2 but I'm excited to see what 3 has to offer.

I love you my red headed baby big girl :)

At the end of year 1 and now:

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A rare capture...

Picture Post

"Mom, I said stop taking my picture!"

Enjoying an 'adult' conversation after dinner - when did she get so big?

Wordless Wednesday

My new 'day'

Its pretty strange not working anymore. I no longer end my day with the dread of another day at the office. Now I end my day with the dread of another day at home... just kidding!

I love being home with my girls - seriously. It's much harder than I thought it would be, but I'm really really enjoying it. I love working on all sorts of things with Arianna and I LOVE LOVE LOVE being able to nurse Daria whenever she wants. If I pull out the breastpump its only to pump a bottle for hubby to feed to her on the nights when he gets up with her. I love the ease of a nursing baby - its wonderful!

Our days are so different than pre-Daria. I actually joined several mom's groups in my area and 2 or 3 days a week we have a playgroup with other kids. Unfortunately most of the groups are younger kids, but its kids non the less. I'm trying to find a group with kids Arianna's age but it hasn't been easy. Daria will have lots of friends through these groups though!

I get to make nutritious meals for my family and get to work on school type stuff with Arianna (which is going very well - within the next few weeks I'll have video of Arianna reading her first book!!!!) and I get to eliminate alot of the 'household stress' that inundated me when I was working. Of course, not all of it gets done but I do have opportunities.

This winter will be tough - Arianna needs more interaction with children and this is the first winter we're able to do something about it. Previously we were on house lockdown due to illness so its new to us. I actually had to go buy snowpants! I didn't realize that there's a season for that sort of stuff, and its passed. I ended up going to a ski shop to get them and I still can't find boots ANYWHERE!

I'm really enjoying being home with my girls and I know I'll enjoy it even more as the days go by and Daria is more independent. We're closer to that though - not only is she sleeping in her own room but has slept through the night, in its entirety, twice! Woo HOO for Mommy!!

This is GENIUS!

Loop 2 Loop belt buckles

Arianna is tiny - no denying that. She easily wore her sisters size 2 diapers in a 'potty training emergency' last month. Even elastic waist sized 18 month pants fall down. 12 month pants fit her pretty well but the bottoms hit just below her knees... its frustrating! She's definitely "Ms. NoButtAtAll".

Trying to find belts for a toddler is impossible, and comfortable ones? Forget it.

These belt buckles look AMAZING - I'm hoping to pick up one to try.

Such a toddler

I'm not going to look...I'm not going to look...I'm not going to look...I'm not going to look...I'm not going to look...I'm not going to look...


I used Arianna as my 'model' as I calibrated the studio lights for our christmas picture photo session... She was less than enthused.

Results soon!

We're back!

Lots of pictures to share but no time to type up a full synopsis - so pictures will have to 'hold you over' until then! :)

Stepping Back?

So I've been delving into the SRA reading system with Arianna through this book.

I'm really encouraged by her willingness to learn. All the time, everywhere we are, she asks me "What does that say Mama?", "Can you read that to me Mama?". She loves to sit down and 'read' books to her sister and loves nothing more than to have her face buried in a book. She's so proud of herself for knowing all of her letters and what sounds they make.

So I got this book and we started in on it but I'm wondering if we shouldn't take a step back. This is yet another system that works letter writing into its program and expresses why it is so important to the 'learning to read' experience.

Problem is that Arianna doesn't have enough fine motor control to do any of the exercises necessary to learn to write her own letters - she can barely do a straight line for that matter and that's perfectly fine for her actual age let alone her adjusted age.

I'm discouraged but at the same time I could use the next few months to just work on her pre-writing skills and spend some more time working on her math skills. But she is so eager to read and I'm really at a loss of how to teach her.

If anyone knows of anything, please let me know. Arianna will love you for it!

Playgroups...

Today I took the girls to our first playdate with a local moms group I found. The meeting location was only around the corner at a local farm. The lady that owns it puts on a story time/craft time every tuesday morning at 9:30 AM (I, of course, thought it was 9 AM so we had to wait 15 min. for anyone to even show up). Best part was it was free. Since Arianna loves nothing more than to read books these types of events are great for her.

They read a book about dinosaurs who eat alot and then read a book (and for the life of me I can't remember the name, its a well known book) about an old woman who ate lots of food at Thanksgiving and then we made a paper bag puppet of the old woman and they gave us little cut outs of the all the food in the book for the puppet to 'eat'. Arianna LOVED this craft - she kept going back to get more food pieces instead of taking them out of her bag!

I was disappointed in the playgroup though. After the story time/craft time was over we all stuck around and as it turns out there wasn't another child there over 1 year old so I ended up spending all my time with Arianna, to Daria's dismay (poor kid, I really feel she gets the shaft 90% of the time). The organizer of the group assured me there really are more kids her age and I hope we meet them soon. I really felt out of place - one kid too old and one kid too young. The worst was when one mom asked me about my experience with Arianna introducing food. I hate going into too much detail about her with people I don't know...

Do I tell her we didn't introduce solid foods until 10 months because her reflux was so bad? Do I tell her we didn't use formula and I pumped for 13 months (some moms are sensitive to that for some reason)? Do I tell her about her prematurity and her failure to thrive? Do I tell her she's 32 months when she hardly looks old enough to be 2?

This is hard for me. I love my daughter and I don't want to say anything that will change people's opinion of her before they even know her.

Arianna did really well the entire time - only throwing one small fit before story time began and I was able to get her to calm down before her 'drama queen pose'. I was really proud of her... but disappointed that there were no kids for her to play with.

Daria also did fabulously - didn't cry once and even sat on my lap being very cute for a while. She was extra good when I took Arianna to the bathroom - everyone said she didn't cry at all. Very nice to hear!

I really hope that the next playdate has some more kids her age to interact with.

Introversion and prematurity: A link?

Wednesday was Arianna's day at daycare.

When we made the decision for me to stay home with the girls we agreed that Arianna should continue to have interaction with the boys at daycare because we saw it to be so good for her. She got along fabulously with all of them and when she was around them she did things she would never do at home - she would eat better, she would do more boy-ish things like climb and jump. She even potty trained better there. So it was a no-brainer that she should continue to go one day a week.

This Wednesday was not so great for her - she had two big temper tantrums and was very anti-social.

When I pick her up I typically stick around for a few minutes to chit chat. Her daycare teacher is expecting #2 in April after having her son at 35 weeks due to pPROM so our conversations have been centered around pregnancy as of late.

This week was different though. She asked me if we were doing any "Mommy and Me" classes. Truth be told all she does during the week that's scheduled is her day at daycare and 'story time' for 2 year olds at the library on Thursdays. Otherwise our days really focus on keeping Daria happy. But it seems I've done that to the detriment of Arianna.

Her teacher told me she's been noticing it over the last few weeks but didn't want to say anything until she knew for sure. She's concerned Arianna is socially regressing and becoming much more introverted. She knows the boys at daycare well and there haven't been any big changes there. Yes, her life at home did a complete 180 but daycare has been stagnant. She doesn't play with the boys anymore and is suddenly much more vocal about her demands to be by herself. She'd much rather go read books and be by herself. Her teacher even went as far as to say that she tries to not schedule outings for Wednesday because Arianna can be a big handful if they go tot he zoo or ecotarium and she throws a big fit cause she doesn't want to do something.

We've known this to be an issue and have been working on it without any success. Part of me wonders if this is her personality and how she'll be for the rest of her life? The worst part of her introversion is that she's really rude about wanting to be by herself - she'll go as far as blowing raspberries and slapping the air (in the general direction of whomever she's talking to) and saying "No!" really nastily. She does this all the time she doesn't get her way. If you continue to say no to her she will throw herself on the ground, face first and cry - and it doesn't matter who she is with or where she is at. Karah, her teacher, said the grocery store was a favorite place for her to do her 'drama queen pose' as she calls it. She laughs about it but I don't. None of us believe this type of introversion is healthy in a 2 year old.

I don't know how to help her work through this. I know she is shy, not so sure its full on introversion, although she may be - but she is scared in alot of situations. She constantly wants someone with her - she'll even ask me "follow me please mom" when she wants to walk back to her room. She'll play with mom and dad until the sun goes down but not other kids.

Dad is a full on introvert - there's no other way to explain him, but... he has friends and enjoys conversation with others but he prefers to be by himself. Luckily his job as a computer programmer suits this personality trait well.

I'm more of an ambivert - showing traits of both an extrovert and introvert but as a child I was extremely shy and was horribly made fun of for it. I don't want this for my child. Arianna is incredibly sweet and kind when she's in a comfortable situation.

One of my main motivators for homeschooling is to shield Arianna from alot of the hurt that I experienced as a child. Some have told me that its 'part of growing up' - but I don't believe hate mail, black mail, bullying and physical harm have to be part of a normal child's life. How does putting up with those things make you a better adult? I don't believe it has much to do with it actually. I believe you can learn all you need to about corporate politics from real life experience with it - not by having a bully tear you down. But... being away from a public school setting does limit, somewhat, her ability to interact with other children and build her social skills with other children on a daily basis.

Unfortunately I think Arianna may be headed in the same direction and I don't know what to do. I don't know what my parents could have done to help me, so how do I help my daughter? I do know that finding something I could excel in helped to bolster my self confidence but that didn't happen until I was 14 or 15 when I became very interested in and good at my clarinet and saxophone.

I found this link that explains a bit about causes of introversion and am intrigued by it, especially the nurture vs. nature aspect and brain development aspect.

Does being a preemie make you more vulnerable to this type of situation? Does weeks on end in an incubator separated from mom make you more susceptible to introversion?

I don't know. All I can compare is myself to her and I spent alot more time in an incubator than she did and the hospital I was at was more of the "we'll call you when she's ready to go home" type. How sad...

10 weeks...

Isn't she the cutest?

It's been fun trying to adjust to having a full term kiddo. It really is like starting over in so many ways.

At this weight/ height Arianna was sitting up, laughing, rolling over etc. I find myself sometimes getting annoyed that Daria still can't even reliably hold her head up when I carry her. I have to keep reminding myself that at 10 weeks she doesn't have to have it mastered yet!

She did surprise me this morning though - she rolled from her tummy to her back. Although I wasn't here, last night Dad said she laughed at him! She smiles and coos tons and its so wonderful to see/hear. Although Arianna had a great laugh she never coo'ed really.

I see so many differences between her and Arianna now - they look very little alike (even in Arianna's baby pictures) now. Arianna has HUGE eyes compared to Daria, yet they seem to share a nose and mouth. We think Daria's eyes will be brown while Arianna's are blue (Dad is brown, mom is blue). Daria doesn't like to be left alone for long whereas as long as Arianna was fed and changed you could put her down and leave her there ALL day - seriously.

Like her sister she seems to LOVE books - I'm looking forward to sharing more of them with them as they get older.

As far as the colic goes - she's getting so much better. Night time isn't bad at all now - she still gets up 2 times to eat but she's such a stellar breastfeeder that its so easy. I can't imagine pumping and doing bottles like we did with Arianna! This really is so much easier.

She seems to be getting into a routine as far as her nappipng is concerned too. I usually get about an hour to an hour and a half of quiet time during the day when both girls nap - its how I get to get on here and write about my lovely girls!

Phonics!

A few weeks ago Arianna really surprised me. We were sitting down reading one of her many books and focused on an alphabet book. She's known her ABCs for a long time now so reading these books is a bit boring for me...

Until she started telling me what the letters were AND the sounds they make (including doubles, like G - Gah and Jah sounds)! I was floored... really. We didn't teach her this - she got it from her leapfrog fridge phonics magnets.

I was so very excited I started looking into phonics programs. She knows her ABCs and the sounds all the letters make - she's well on her way to reading now! But... the phonics programs I've found are over her head - one of them actually wants the kids to draw the letters. She can barely draw a circle let alone letters.

I got this book from the library and will try it out to see if it works for her. We'll be getting the hooked on phonics program for christmas and hope she does well with that too.

But boy oh boy was this a pleasant surprise. She continues to amaze me every day!