Crutch Free!

Today was my first day crutch free - and it wasn't as fun as I'd hoped. I have no ankle... its all swollen and hurts. I can't wear shoes and still have to elevate my leg... but its SO much better than it was Friday and Saturday.

If luck holds out I'll be doing my Couch to 5K program in a few weeks.

Even better was that I fit into single digit jeans this weekend - first time since the month before I got pregnant, that felt fabulous!

18 months check up...

So Arianna had her 18 month check up today. I was very anxious to see how she did the last few months with gaining weight. This summer has been fabulous for her - not sick even once and developmental explosions left and right.

We worked SO hard to get her to gain weight after being labeled failure to thrive in May. It worked, she lost the label and got back on her curve putting her at 25% for her ACTUAL age :)

Today I put her on the scale and she was only 20.0 lbs

Yes, that means she only put on 4 oz. in 3 months. Yes, she grew 2 inches but she slipped from the 25th percentile to the 2nd percentile and has THAT label again...

He doesn't want to do anything until he sees her again but I'm so sad.

She eats well, not great. She eats a wide variety of things but in any one sitting she doesnt' eat much. She looks chubby but when she bends over you can see her spine and ribs through her back and that scares me.

I hate that THAT label reflects on us as parents - even if its unjust. We try hard. She drinks pediasure like its going out of style and we give her lots of full fat foods and she's still not putting on weight.

But she's happy and healthy otherwise... so I guess I should look on the bright side...

Preemie Magazine shuts down

Dear Preemie Magazine Subscribers:

Preemie Communications, Inc., the parent company of Preemie Magazine,
regrets to inform you that the company has officially shut down and is
undergoing bankruptcy proceedings.

This is an unfortunate outcome for such a promising community, but a
necessary one due to the inability to attract new owners/investors to
cover expenses and debts. The company is truly saddened by this turn of
events, but would like to thank you, as a subscriber, for helping us
fulfill our mission in educating so many parents and professionals in
the preemie community over the last two years.

Respectfully,

Preemie Magazine/Preemie Communications, Inc.

I was not surprised to hear this after PreemieCON was canceled due to lack of interest. I think this magazine COULD do alot of good and the articles were very informative. I had been receiving it for a while and saw the shift slowly change when the March of Dimes became a sponsor. I find much of the MOD message is to push their 'miracle preemie' agenda and not show enough attention/support to those who didn't have the 'miracle preemie' experience, but I didn't feel it was enough to entirely undermine this magazine. It was also heavily backed by Pediatrix - a PUBLICLY traded company that has a large hand in many NICUs around the country. I have big issues with that because I've learned that some NICUs will do anything for money - even at the determinant of the preemies/families involved - so to see a publicly traded company gamble with the lives of our children back a magazine like this (thus getting their name 'out there') well... disturbing...

I'm sad to see it go because it was one of the only magazines that brought alot of the issues forward into 'close to mainstream' and was the only support for many families.

I'm sick...

In the head...

I've gone to bed semi-crying for a few weeks now... yes, daily. I have the same routine just before bed. I use the bathroom, step on the scale and then tiptoe into Arianna's room to see her sleeping. Then I weep a little (gosh, I'm even doing it now) and trod off to bed.

My little girl is growing up and I'm so sad to see my baby go away.

Every day for these past few weeks I've told Shawn (usually dozens of times during the day) "I want another baby...", to which he says no.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

Why the heck would I want that?! Arianna's first year was a type of living hell that no first time parents should have to go through and I want to do it again?!!

Yes, I do - badly. So badly it makes me cry.

It scares me, I won't lie. My mother and I have had many conversations about this the last few days (she's been helping while I'm off my feet). What will happen next time? What if the next one is a preemie? (Ok, the waterworks start...). My mom ended up on hospital bed rest (and teetering on insanity she tells me) for MONTHS with my brother and he was still premature (34 weeks) and spent 2 weeks in the NICU.

A conversation with my OB, post delivery, revealed nothing helpful as to why Arianna came early. Was it my LEEP and cone biopsies 10 years ago? Was it bad family genetics (I'm a preemie)? Was it an infection? Was it devine intervention?

Whatever it was it can't happen again. I don't care if I have to be on bed rest for months - I don't want a sub 34 weeker! I'm so scared... yet I want another.

Part of me wants to regain what was lost to my first pregnancy. I never had the chance to even 'look pregnant'. I didn't get people offering seats on the bus or opening doors for the pregnant lady. Heck, the day I went into labor I was at the maternity store buying my first outfit! I missed out on all the complaining pregnant woman do... I missed out on bringing home a baby when I left the hospital. I missed out on a 'surprise' baby shower. I missed out on annoying doctor visits...

I want a normal experience, but I know no birth experience I ever have will be normal... so I'll settle for a fullterm (or close to) healthy baby. Is that too much to ask for?

I'd love to hear from Mom's of preemie's who have had children afterwards - what precautions were taken (or not taken) and any advice you have to give.

Hubby says we have to wait until February (at the earliest)... so I have a bit more crying to do.

Bye Janice!

Last Friday was Arianna's nanny's last day.

We knew we would only have her for the summer but it was hard just the same. I went back to the house at lunch time last Thursday and Thursday night I put together a 'word book' (that says THANK YOU down the side) of pictures of her and Arianna as well as some 'solo' pictures of Arianna from the weekend before. I must say, it came out really cute and Janice loved it! So much so she asked if I could put one together for her husband for his birthday!

This Tuesday Sarah starts and we're just as excited about that!

I feel bad that her first week has me here almost the whole time...

I sold it....

Yes, I sold my skydiving equipment.

It was about time though - I had been holding onto it knowing that I wouldn't be jumping again anytime soon. Selling it was much easier than I thought too. I listed it in the classifieds at dropzone.com and within a day it was sold.

A student jumper in San Marcos, TX bought it - he sent me a check and I mailed the rig and one of my helmets to him. He got it on Friday, loves it and now the money is mine to spend!

I bought a new scrapbook cutting machine (you can read about it here) and the rest of the money is going toward a kick ass vacation for Arianna's birthday in March.

We're meeting Shawn's mother (who I love more than my own mother many days) in Florida to enjoy a week at Club Med! They have child care which will be nice, and with mamaw (southern for grandmother! haha) there we are sure to have a relaxing time and get to do what WE want to do! I'm very excited.

I have a feeling it will be the last vacation we get for YEARS... I'll explain why later...

D-Day...

Finally!

After they attempted to reschedule it on Monday... I finally had my surgery today.

I got there at 8:30 and had the pre-requisite blood work (and pregnancy test, which was thankfully negative, as expected) and then was ushered into the back for other pre-op testing etc. From the moment I got there I was impressed with The Miriam Hospital. I had my other fasciotomy in 2004 at Rhode Island Hospital and was not impressed by any means - they didn't even give me crutches to go home with!

Miriam Hospital is a Magnet award winner for the nursing staff and it was very evident. I have NEVER had an IV that didn't have to be replaced multiple times. When my ICD was originally placed I went through 9 IVs. Next time I'm getting a PICC line - not kidding. Anyway, my blood work, one shot. My IV - one shot! I was in awe of this place!

Any way, they wanted an EKG due to my defibrillator and they had a new 'high tech' machine and all the nurses wanted to figure out how to use it. I had many apologetic nurses in my little curtained off area but they wanted to see it 'in action'. I have no problem with medical curiosity surrounding me. Long QT Syndrome is so rare and I've had so many bad experiences with medical people not fully understanding the severity of it that I welcome questions (I'm very informed, kinda geeky like that). They were great, made light of much of the commotion and I welcomed the levity.

My interval was 420 - normal (anything under 460 in woman is normal - I average 540 and have been as long as 650). Odd, as I've never had a normal one outside of pregnancy/breastfeeding. No complaints from me though as they didn't need a reason to not do my surgery.

At 10:30 I was given something 'to relax' me... which my mom joked would put me right to sleep - but it didn't and I was able to get myself to the surgery suite and onto the table without any problems. I didn't have much time to look around before a mask was shoved on my face and I was gone.

Woke up an hour later all bandaged up leaving the surgery suite. My leg already hurt. Last time it didn't hurt until I got home. Last time I wasn't given general anesthetic though - it was all local which I think provided a nice pain 'block'. I slept a bit in recovery, then got some pain medication, drank some soda and sat in a chair for a while.

We left about 1:15 and drove directly to Subway for a veggie sub - I was starving. Mom was nice enough to pick it up for me and drop off my vicodin prescription. We got back to the house and I hobbled on my crutches down the walkway to the porch. I tripped over the top step and fell HARD on my hip and legs. All I could do was scream - dang that hurt. Thankfully the ice pack I had strapped to my leg padded the sutures some what but my other leg, hip and face didn't fare as well. I have a huge gash on my other ankle (which ironically hurts more than my surgery leg now), a big bruise on my hip and a sore cheekbone. I crawled into the house while my mom sobbed - she was so mad she couldn't help me (she's got a really bad back).

I haven't moved from the recliner since - whenever I do Arianna screams at the sight of my crutches.

This hurts a lot more than I remember it. Shawn is being a big trooper helping out - so much so that he'll be doing a transport for 3 cats in Siamese Rescue this weekend that I signed up for yet conveniently forgot about the whole 'not able to drive' part (oops!). I've got a great hubby :)

I'll be camping out here for the next 4 days - so expect lots of blog posts!

6 years ago today...

About one hour ago, 6 years ago, I was in my bosses office at Cumberland Farms Corporate Office being laid off. I would leave his office ready to pack up my desk when someone from another office came in saying a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York.

I remember thinking "I should just leave"... then the news said another plane hit and then the pentagon was attacked. People from the office were leaving to get their kids out of school but as our office neighbored Boston (and the city evacuated) the traffic made it so you couldn't leave.

I honestly thought we were under attack. I had dreams of Empire of the Sun in my head...

Are we any better prepared now?

When I worked at Rhode Island Hospital I worked (in one of my many capacities) as the assistant to the director of emergency preparedness. He was also a state senator (who passed major fire law reform for the state) and one of the EMTs that responded to the Station Night Club fire. He was called to New York city in 2004 for a meeting with the city government to help them be better prepared for another 9/11.

3 years later and they still had no idea how to be better prepared for something of that magnitude.

I have a feeling not much has changed since then, and thats sad.

We have a walker!!

Yes, 3 days shy of her 18th month... she FINALLY started walking! She's been pushing stuff around the house, walking forward (and backwards!!) for months... and last night she FINALLY took off!

I'm so proud of my little monkey!

Being a Responsible Blogger

Alrighty...

I'm back to blogging with some big exceptions.

I need to change my sub-title...

I will no longer 'vent' on my blog because the potential backlash is too great. I will not talk about my personal relationships here and more importantly will not talk about my work here - its pretty stupid too, if you think about it.

This will make my blog more boring but I didn't talk about these things too often, so I feel it's not the end of the world.

6 people to 'start over'

When you were in elementary school were you ever assigned to groups to come up with a list of 6 people (and only 6) that would survive the apocalypse and start the human race over again? I was assigned that in Mr. Luce's 4th grade class and, surprisingly, in a college class nearly 15 years later.

For some reason its in my mind this morning on my way to work...

For my 6 people I would have a few 'prerequisites'. They have to be under 30, in good health with no family history of genetic abnormalities.


1. Woman under 25 with proven fertility

2. Woman under 25 with proven fertility

This is a no brainer - you need women to give birth to children to repopulate the earth.

If either of these women also process any of the qualities of the others, and so can count for 2 spots, the empty spot should be filled by another woman with proven fertility.

3. Person with agricultural science background

Preferably a professor of agricultural science who understands crops and growing food in all climates and understands water and how to get it from a variety of sources.

4. Person with mechanical and electrical engineering background

Mechanical more than electrical experience desired - to help rebuild societies buildings, bridges etc.

5. Person with army experience

Person with army experience and understanding of surviving under adverse conditions. This person will help create a sense of security through passive protection (not aggressive)

6. Person with medical background

Preferably with experience volunteering in 3rd world countries. Will help keep people well and train others to care for each other.


I think about this exercise a lot and my people almost always change... sometimes you want a porn star for levity, ya know?

There is a reason...

I've been lax on posting here for a few weeks even though I have a lot of things I want to write about. I feel I can't post them here because I'm afraid of a certain group of people reading them.

All I can say is I'm very stressed out and cry a lot over some things going on in my world right now and could really use some people thinking good thoughts for me.

Thank you!

Sorry for the delay!

I've been lacking for the last week or so - sorry for the delay. I have no excuse other than forgetting and being busy.

My work has had me busy on a new project since my last post so I haven't had much time to make entries. It's nearly done so I'll be back to more regular updates soon!

This week we FINALLY got our basement re-carpeted. You may remember my post about my finished basement flooding earlier this year. Well... we finally saved up enough money to get it re-carpeted.

My husband's new job is awesome. The pay raise is nice... but we won't see it until January or so. We sat down last night to go over our new budget and found that due to his vacation in October and our vacation in November we have to save up money to cover his pay those weeks as he's still a contractor and won't have vacation time. So due to that and christmas we won't see any increase in our savings or debt pay off until January.

Arianna is doing well - turning into a real drama queen and she just makes us laugh. This coming week is the last week with our nanny Janice. I'm sorry to see her go as having her has been wonderful for us but I'm also looking forward to getting our permanent nanny Sarah - we have many things planned for Arianna this fall - Kindermusik and baby gym classes etc. I hope she enjoys them! We're still not walking or anywhere close to it. I'm out of ideas on how to help her with that. She'll walk holding both our hands but even that is touch and go as she usually turns into 'rubber legs' laughs and sits down... advice needed please!!

We got our new cat Misty and are slowly introducing her to the house and our routines but she's still very spooked. They're installing the carpet today and Misty is in one of the rooms in the basement so I imagine she will be VERY spooked when I get home.

Have a great weekend everyone - I hope to update more on Monday!

Anniversary

Today is the 7th anniversary of my internal Implanted Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD).

Where did the time go?

Toddler-dom

We took Arianna to get her picture taken at Sears this weekend. It was not the photo session I was hoping for... she was awful. Wouldn't sit still and wouldn't smile for ANYTHING!

But I did get a few shots that I liked and to see the difference just a few months has made is nothing short of amazing...

Here she is this time last year (doesn't she look glouriously chubby?!):


Here she is at christmas (not so chubby *sob*) :


Here she is at her birthday in March:


Here she is today:



Where did my baby go? I don't remember giving up my 'mom-to-an-infant' status. The only 'silver lining' is that she is starting to look more and more like me...

I miss cradling my baby... yes baby, not toddler. I'm really not ready for this new independance! I need a baby, goshdarnit! (yes, I think that means I'm 'ready-to-try-again').

We are adding to our family...

No, not in the way you think! hehe

We're getting another cat, I think.

We've been casually looking for another siamese to add to our family. When Arianna was born we had two cats, Katrina (aptly named) and TiSan. Katrina did not like Arianna and would defecate and urinate on her bedroom rug and clothes. I woke up one night to find her laying on top of the baby despite knowing it was off limits. So when we moved into our house this time last year we returned Katrina to the rescue and she was adopted by a nice lady and lives in harmony now. TiSan misses having a companion though. He tells us this by being SUPER DUPER ANNOYING! He wants constant attention, which is a siamese trait (and why we love them!), but its been really bad lately. We just need to get one that doesn't beat him up like our last two cats have - he's a big push over...

Arianna is getting so much better with TiSan. Earlier this year she would get very excited when petting him and pull his hair - he's so great about it though, he just walks (or runs!) away from her. Now, after patient teaching, she pets him and is very gentle with him. So we feel it is safe to add to our family now.

One of the volunteers I've worked with for Siamese Rescue is starting her own rescue in Connecticut and she has a lynx point siamese rescued from NYC that needs a home.

I'm totally NOT ready for another cat - I simply put the 'feelers' out to my siamese group volunteers and wound up with the word on this cat.

Our requirements for a new cat are:
* female
* local, so we can 'interview'
* over 3
* good with young kids
* good litter habits
* gets along well with other cats
* not a bully
* not long hair
* siamese

So enters Misty... she looks super scared in this picture.


We're going to visit her on Sunday and see how she fits in with our family. Arianna will come with us and hopefully she will get along with Misty as well as she does with TiSan!

New Orleans

I've got a 26 page journal on this trip so I'll try to get a good synopsis...

8.10.2007

Up at 4 AM. 4:30 breakfast 4:50 leave for airport. Stand outside of airport for 30 min. to check my bag - baggage handler wanted a tip - WTF?? At 9 AM the airline gives me a small cookie. I'm hungry. At 10:15 I get 8 mini-pretzels on the second flight... still freakin' hungry...

Wait at the airport for 4 hours for everyone else to arrive. Almost finished my really good book - Split Second by avid Baldacchi. Traveling takes the fun out of vacation...

All the flights come in and we get "super sketchy and WAY too eager to drive us to our hotel" cab driver. The French Quarter is much farther from the airport than I anticipated...

We arrive at our hotel - the Royal Sonesta, the only hotel on Bourbon Street. I imagine that not alot sleeping is done here, far too noisy. The hotel gave away the rooms we received (double beds) and 'upgraded' our rooms to king bed with balcony so now the two occupants need to share a bed... fun! My roommate for the weekend is Karen's friend Kerry. Together we are the only two with kids - we don't know what sleeping in is (or sleeping at all for that matter) so this hotel will be fine for us.

After setting into our rooms we decided to go for a walk around the French Quarter. We walked a long way and settled on drinks at Margaritaville in Jackson Square. Architecturally this area is beautiful, lots of buildings with georgeous balconies! Margarittaville was really fun! We went to the bar on the 3rd floor where the seats around the bar were tire swings! It was fun trying to eat nachos and drink my margarita (with extra salt of course) while trying to stay in the swing.


From there we did some more walking and ended up on the other end of Bourbon Street and passed a bar that had these specialty drinks called 'hand grenades'. They tasted like Ecto Coolers mixed with Midori Sours - very yummy, but very strong!

From there we checked out some shops and then ventured back to the hotel to wait for Karen's local friend, Lenore, to arrive so we could start our night of fun.

We had dinner at the ACME oyster house. I was trying to eat relatively healthy and thats not easy in 'Nawlins' I ended up having red beans and rice w/ sausage and was disappointed I spent calories on it but it did fill me up which was good considering how much I would end up drinking that night.

This place is surreal. It totally transforms intoa wild street party at night. Karen was wearing a gold tiara and a red sash w/ blinking lights to show off her 'bachlorette' status. She got lots of attention...even if she didn't want it. We went into lots of clubs and did alot of dancing and drinking. Karen even did some mechanical bull riding - she lasted tons longer than anyone else there and she was wearing a dress!

Lots of creepy guys in those clubs - its been so long since I've been in a club that I sort of forgot about that side of it. I had one guy come up to me grab my hand and massage it really creepily just before he licked it. I wanted to burn my hand.

About 1 AM I was running out of steam. Being up for 22 straight hours will do that to you. About 2:30 I headed back to the hotel with Kerry and the others stayed out to close the clubs.


8.11.2007

Kerry and I were up at 8, which is sleeping in for us. Knowing the others wouldn't be up for a while we decided to head to breakfast. We went to a little place called Cafe Beignet and had breakfast sandwhiches. Remember my 'eat healthy' promise? Even this sandwich was dripping with grease... add a cafe au lait and it was quite yummy though :)

The others were still asleep so we hit the tourist shops were I found shirts for Shawn, Arianna and myself as well as the obligatory fridge magnet. I nearly lost my camera in the process, forgetting it at one of the stores. The others joined us at this point and we signed up for a cemetery tour only to find that all tours were canceled due to the extreme heat - 105 degrees. I thought I'd bitch and complain about the heat but it wasn't bad at all for me.

So Marissa and Kerry went shopping while the rest of us went back to the hotel for swimming! We even enjoyed $10 pina coladas poolside! They weren't worth $10 though... I left them at 3 to head back to the room for a nap. The others said the bachelor party that was in the pool with us (and drinking very heavily) didn't get out of the pool for hours... wonder how they managed to use the toilet with all that drinking huh? Ya, we did too, so we didn't go back to the pool after that...

I napped until 6 and then we all met up to go to dinner. We decided to do a 'normal' meal and headed out to the Garden District, where Karen lived when she was there, to have pizza at a good place she knew. We thought we could take a trolly car but they haven't run since Katrina so we ended up grabbing a cab to Rocky's pizza. I got a "French Market" pizza with vegetables, the closest to healthy I got all weekend. It was yummy! We caught a bus back to Bourbon Street and the hotel - I jumped in the shower quickly and then we were ready to head out on the town!

We ended up walking around alot more this night - just meandering up and down the street. Karen had a bachlorette T-shirt that had a list of 'chores' she had to get guys to do for her:

• One guy stripped in the middle of the street and gave him her boxers!
• We had a hard time finding a guy with a 6-pack to fill on requirement...
• We also had a VERY hard time finding a guy with a condom to fill that requirement...
• We think NO is full of fat, out-of-shape guys who don't have sex...

We have lots of very incriminating pictures that will last for eternity.... *evil grin*

Toward the end of the night we ended up at the Cat's Meow for karoke... we danced and sang and eventually got up on stage to sing Madonna's like a prayer.

By 4 AM we were ready to go, the crowd really shifted all the super creepy guys were out. We were walking down the street and they were literally grabbing our arms to pull us with them - super scary. We had some MAJOR disinfecting to do when we got back, our feet were nasty from people either puking or spilling beer on them and just the general nasty dirty feeling had to be washed off. As a matter of fact I threw away the sandals...

In bed by 4:30 am sure to be up in just a few hours... I hate that feeling...

8.12.2007

Yep we were both up at 9:30 and took showers AGAIN. The water smells funny in New Orleans. We had to check out at noon so we met with the other girls in the lobby and checked our bags with the bell hop and went to Bubba Gump Shrimp Company for lunch. I got a salad, yes, something healthy! It was quite yummy! From there were did some more window shopping and I got two more shirts and a couple of magnets for friends/family. Then we stopped at Cafe Du Mont so I could finally try a beignet, yes it was yummy but there was no way I could eat 3! We walked back to the hotel and got our bags and waited for the cab back to the airport.

I tried to sleep at the gate for either of my flights but it was just too hard. I was exhausted and just wanted sleep but the noises and people made that too hard.

My flight got into my home airport at 11:10 PM (20 minutes early) and I had to wait an additional 40 for Shawn to show up. There were SO many flights coming in that he couldn't even pull up to the curb so that I could get in the car, he had to keep driving around until a spot opened up. I was very annoyed. Got into the car and all my annoyance drifted away as I saw Arianna asleep in her car seat. I didn't truely realize how much I missed her until I saw her sweet face.

When we got home Shawn took my bags in so that I could put Arianna back to bed. We took the long way... she woke up and I had to have some smother time. When I put her in her crib she finally got a good look at me and her eyes got real big, she broke out a HUGE smile and lifted her arms above her head for me to pick her up... I relented and spent a few minutes just loving on her. I love being her mom.

The low-lights:

Travel - Travelling take the fun out of vacation.

The food - it is close to impossible to find something healthy. I can't say I really enjoyed ANY of the food I had there

Bourbon Street - this is a high and low light. It's a fun place to do once or twice... but after a while you get tired of drunk creepy people. I couldn't imagine living/working there!

The heat - its Nawlins in August so I should complain but boy o boy was it hot and humid. It did make me appreciate New England more though :)

The high-lights:

The architecture - the buildings in the French Quarter were beautiful! The balconies are a site to see!


The local bands - there is great entertainment on bourbon Street with each bar/club having one. Preservation Hall had some fabulous jazz acts. Next time I go I really wan to sit in there and really enjoy them.

The shops - there are TONS of touristy shops where you can purchase just about anything!

All in all I'm really glad I went and would gladly go again but not in the summer, not at Mardi Gras and not for more than a few days. Next time I'll see more jazz, stay in a hotel further away from Bourbon Street and go on some tours.

Congratulations are in order!

If you have a moment please stop over to say CONGRATULATIONS to Jennifer and Tony. They are 'pregnant after preemie loss' with what they hope are only twins - they can use all the good thoughts the internet can gather!

Keeping you in my good thoughts Jennifer and Tony!!

My Pride and Joy

I have so many things to be proud of, but today I am very proud of my husband.

He is finishing up his last few days at a job he loves and has enjoyed for 4 years. I can't believe how fast the time flew!

He is very sad to leave but for a variety of reasons (mostly professional development concerns) he knows he needs to move on.

His new job will require a much longer commute and more responsability but the pay raise more than makes up for it!

He is aprehensive and not super excited about starting a new job but he is getting ready with quiet anticipation.

I know embarking on something new is never easy and I am oh so proud of him for taking this leap!

Now onto my joy...

It couldn't be more obvious that its my daughter - she is the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I rush home at night. She is the most amazing thing to happen to me since January 4th, 2003 (my wedding day) and although my life is so different I wouldn't want it any other way.

She's starting to talk up a storm now and is getting closer and closer to walking - she pushes stuff all around the house we're just waiting for those first few steps of freedom!

She knows all she has to do is hold her hands above her head and look at mommy and say 'oOooo!' and she can get whatever she wants - even better if she lets us sleep 'til 7 AM!

Another joy is my first weekend away from her!

Tomorrow morning I take off for New Orleans and I can't wait! I'll have pictures for everyone when I return! Have a great weekend, I hope I do!

Screaming...

Arianna is in a new communication stage... one that I do not like at all. Screaming.

She screams whenever she wants something or something is not going her way. On the plus side, in this stage she is finally 'mommy's girl' and wants to be near me vs. anyone else. Normally this would bug people but Arianna has always been daddy's girl or grandma/grandpa's girl - never mommy's girl... so that part is nice. But the problem is that if I put her down to do something she screams... a high pitched, shrill scream.

It runs up my spine the same way seeing a snake cross my path does. It gives me a headache and I can't help put want to scream back at her. I'm trying to do the whole 'use your inside voices' thing but my patience is running thin...

Anyone have experience with this?

On a whole this summer has been amazing with her - she's growing by leaps and bounds and is in general a pretty happy kid. She's definitely a girl though.

My friend Megan has two cute kids - Brendan is her oldest and he's a great kid, very laid back and social. Katie is a few months older than Arianna and equally as cute, but she's definitely a girl... Meg, you'll laugh at this. After she had Brendan Shawn asked how many kids they'd have... Meg answered with 'as many as possible!'. After Katie was born it was changed to ... 3 kids, we want 3 kids. At Brendan's birthday party she joked that they wouldn't have any more kids because if they had another girl her husband would just about die!

I had to chuckle when she said this. Girls can be a handful. I'm not saying boys can't be, but the majority of parents I've talked to have said boys were just easier as infants...

That's the only hope we cling to in the thoughts of having more kids... that the next one is a healthy (not preemie!) boy...

Of course, thats if we dare try again...

Food, Food, Glorious Food!

I'm giddy.

Today I'm back on food!

I wanted to be back on food for my trip to New Orleans next week and the doctor saw no reason why I couldn't switch to the moderate program this week.

The moderate program is all food - yes GLORIOUS food!

I'm allowed 1200 calories a day broken out into FDA (no, not USDA, which are unregulated and usually HUGE!) food servings: 5 starches, 2 fruits, 2 dairy, 3 vegetables, 5-6 meats/proteins, 3 fat.

So to fill that requirement today I'll be eating:

Breakfast

• 1/2 c. oatmeal w/ 2 Splenda packets
• 1/2 c. fat free cottage cheese w/ pineapple
• 12 oz. hot coffee w/ 2 tbs. half & half

Lunch

• 2 slices diet oatmeal bread
• 1 tbs. peanut butter
• 1 tbs. blackberry jam
• 1 25% less sugar quaker granola bar (cookies & cream - yum!)
• 1 mega peach (8 oz.)
• 12 oz. diet soda

Dinner

• 4 oz. fish
• 1.5 c. cooked broccolli
• 2/3 c. whole wheat pasta with spray butter and salt
• 8 oz. skim milk
• Ketchup (for fish and broccolli - can't eat with out it!)
  

Best part...

Dessert!!

• 1/2 fat free, sugar free chocolate pudding

I'm so happy to eat again! Ya!!

Total for the day is 1100 calories, so not too bad for day 1. I'm also going to get in 40 minutes of walking on what seems like the MOST HUMID DAY OF THE YEAR! So extra points for that!

I'm getting so close to my goal and to make it in such a short amount of time feels great!

Blue wishblade owners - SIGN THE PETITION

I own a Xyron Wishblade cutting machine - it cuts paper for my scrapbooking crafts. It does not work with Microsoft Vista (whats on my new home computer) and Xyron says they won't release the new drivers for Vista unless you purchase a $100 software program. I can not use my cutter without it - its useless. I paid $500 for the machine just 2 years ago and now can't use it unless I pay Xyron even more money!

The problem with how Xyron is handling this problem is that they are continuing to distribute their machine and they were shipping the blue cover wishblades with FULL KNOWLEDGE that Vista was in the final beta stage and would ship soon, and NEVER notified potential buyers that their machines would not work on Vista!! Thats deceitful.

Also, people did not purchase the wishblade software - they purchased a wishblade MACHINE, a peripheral that requires drivers (software) to run. Secondary to that it REQUIRES a computer. For the current software to not support the largest operating system for a computer is not a problem as long as they will provide the free update in a timely manner. Xyron knew about Vista for many many months - anyone creating a peripheral to run on a MS operating system knew. Heck, I write software programs that run on MS operating systems (I actually write in .net, a microsoft framework) and I already know about the NEXT operating system changes, and they're still 2 years out! So for Xyron to wait so long for those changes is nothing less than neglectful on their part - graphtec has drivers out already for a machine that is very similar, why doesn't Xyron?

Wanna know why? Because they've finally found a way to scam people into purchasing their create and cut software - which we don't currently need and limits the creativity of the user greatly.

It borders on illegal what they're doing - especially since the last of the blue cover wishblades sold late last year and Vista shipped just a few short weeks later!

I've created a petition and would like everyone to sign even if you don't own a wishblade. Xyron needs to know they losing customers - current AND potential ones with this scam their pulling!

Sign the petition here: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/blueWishbladeVista/index.html

Thank you for all your help.

Reasons to Celebrate!

We have lots of reasons to celebrate!

Today Shawn, my husband, accepted a new position at EMC corporation as a web programmer which means a nice hefty pay raise! Ya for Shawn! He's sad about leaving his current job but very happy to be trying something new. We went out to dinner to celebrate - something we almost never do.

My work laptop on the other hand is not a reason to celebrate - it died. I'm very sad for many reasons. The first being that I'm not getting another laptop and I now have a desktop. I'll be the only developer without a laptop which in and of itself stinks! The worst of it is that I now don't get the opportunity to do some work related things at home and on the weekends - which is something I actually enjoy doing. I'm really mad about that. Add to that the fact that I can't do my scrapbooking stuff anymore and I'm doubly pissed! The drivers for my cutting machine don't work on Vi$ta, which is on my personal laptop so I had to use my work laptop (which had XP) at home for that - now I don't have that and I'm super sad. The company that makes my cutting machine said they will not be updating the drivers any time soon... they just label themselves 'non-compliant'... great customer service huh?

But enough of that - I've been tagged by Lisa!

8 random facts about me:

1. I spend alot of time/energy/heart in volunteering for siamese cat rescue center. My parents used to show Siamese cats in shows so I've grown up around them. The shelter is based in Virginia but there are volunteers up and down the east coast - I'm the only active Rhode Island volunteer. I do the cat shows where I set up a booth to sell items for the center and talk to people about Siamese cats (and show the obligatory cute cat pictures, of course!) I go to shelters to evaluate cats for our program so that they won't be put to sleep. Siamese cats are very intelligent cats and are very bonded to humans and as a result they don't do well in shelters, they get very scared and won't eat. This doesn't make oneself very desirable to prospective adopters so my organizations goes to the shelter to try and get them into our program and into foster homes that are much quieter and without cages! I also evaluate cats that people are giving up for whatever reason and will also transport cats to adopters or foster parents. The most ironic part of this is that Rhode Island state laws prohibit me from being a cat foster and MA state law prevents cats being brought into the state so I deal with CT and NH ALOT!

We have our cat TiSan from them, we've had him for 6 years now. We also adopted our blue-point Balinese, Layne, in 2002 but she passed away in 2004 from cancer (she was an incredible cat). Shortly after she passed we got Katrina - who was a fun cat but got very dirty after the baby arrived so when we moved into the house Shawn drove her back down to the shelter in Virginia and she was adopted by a woman with no kids, which was a much better situation for her.

2. I was a band geek. My world, as a teenager, revolved around music. I played clarinet, bass clarinet, alto saxophone, baritone saxophone and piano and was pretty good at all of them. So good in fact that I majored in music education after graduating highschool. I also suffer from TMJ and playing the clarinet (my main instrument) was painful so after my first year, full of pain in my mouth, I came to realize that I wasn't going to make any money as a music educator so I dropped out and went back to school part time/nights for computer science. I still miss my music alot. 3 years ago I sold my clarinet (which I had named Tracy) to a nice man who ran a music school in New Orleans. I used the money to buy skydiving equipment. I heard the school was destroyed in Katrina... I hope Tracy survived.


3. I'm starting to get grey hair. I'm 28... but I consider myself lucky as my mother and her brothers were all salt & pepper colored in their 20s. But I still feel too young! I have dark hair as I'm sure you've seen. Its actually gotten more red as I've gotten older but when I was younger it was easily confused with black. Just today I pulled 3 long grey strands out of my head. Yes, since having Arianna 16 months ago its been stressful - but not as stressful as other times in my life, why grey now!!??? I nearly cried after #3 today...


4. My husband and I met on the internet - before it was cool. We met in an IRC chat room (ya, you probably don't know what that is, its practically non-existent now) called EfNet#advice where people would come in with whatever problem was in their life (relationships, computer, medical, you name it) and everyone else would offer advice or support. I met my husband (his code name was Shadow9) when I was asking about help building web pages. He lived in CA, I lived in MA and we 'met' in September 1999. I traveled to CA to meet him in May of 2000 and he came to live with me in July of 2000 - talk about fast and totally unsafe! I'd probably freak if Arianna did the same thing. But we got married in January 2003 and I never saw that coming from our days in #Advice!

5. I'm scared of bugs in general but I hate spiders. I'm terrified of spiders and we have alot in our home and on our property. I don't care what time of day it is, even if Shawn is sleeping I will wake him up to kill a spider - he hates that but I really will flip out.

6. The one thing in this world that would make me feel safe and happy would be to have no financial commitments - no mortgage, no credit cards, no car payments and money in savings for emergencies and retirement. We're slowly getting there - we've paid off all the loans and credit cards and are working on paying off the cars early (the new job will definitely help with that!) and then we'll work on the savings and retirement. The house is on the very back burner as we want to eventually buy another, bigger, house in a few years.

7. I'm a very jealous person and I hate that about myself. I'm jealous of people with big houses. I'm jealous of people who had normal pregnancies. I'm jealous of people who are fit and thin. I'm jealous of people with lots of friends. I'm jealous of people who are happy with what they have and not envious of others. Its a sad personal trait I hope to work on soon. Someone once told me it'll be easy once I'm in my 30s... for some reason I doubt that.

8. I'm never happy with myself. There is always something that I want changed about the way I look or my professional life or something that I insist will make me happy - also need to work on this. I hope getting older will help change my view on this.

Anyway... thats it. I don't have anyone to tag that hasn't already been tagged - so if you haven't grab this and run with it. Just leave a note that you did it so I can check it out!

Harry Potter

I started at 10 AM yesterday and despite a few short breaks I finished at midnight. All 784 pages.

Its really fantastic. I don't see how children can read it though - its super dark and kind of gorey. Lots of death and blood/guts and sadness. Lots of questions answered and lots of plots 'completed'.

The epilogue at the end was what I was hoping she would include and when I finished I put the book down, sighed. Got a big smile on my face and went to bed.

Great ending to a fabulous series - highly recommend reading them all!

Anger...

My orthopedic surgeons office just called. The outpatient facility I was to have this surgery at has decided they are not comfortable with me having the surgery there as they don't feel they can manage problems with my implanted defibrillator.

And they wait until 20 hours before hand to tell me this...

It will be rescheduled for another facility at the end of August now...

Words can not express how angry I am right now.

Time flies!

I can't believe how fast the end of July arrived...

Big Congrats!! to my friend Karen who took the bar exam yesterday - she's DONE! She won't find out how she did until November but at least, for now, she's done!

I've got my leg surgery tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to sitting on the couch all weekend reading Harry Potter...

Have a great weekend!

DWI...Continued

Follow up to my original post...

He was found not guilty this morning.

He's super lucky and I hope he realizes that.

Look! My two front teeth

Yes, Arianna has two front teeth - yes, those are the only teeth she has. I've never heard of the top teeth coming in first. We're patiently waiting for others...

...still waiting...

Car seat craziness...

So, the wonderful 'free' car seat I got a few weeks ago turned out to be not as wonderful as I thought... I even spent good money to have a custom car seat cover made for it and the seat won't work, ugh!!

Arianna is now too big for her infant seat - so it was time to transition to the toddler seats and sure enough the buckle was broken. So I did some research and found that Britax makes a seat that is sold under the fisher price label, with a much more affordable price - good news!

The Boulevard in my car, pictured above, is an amazing seat but at almost $300 her back up seat (which is replacing the infant seat) is not worth paying that much again.

So we bought this one and it arrived today - when I get home it should be sitting on our back deck.

This seat is similar to the Britax Marathon seat and will be the nanny's car seat and our back-up.

This still left one small problem - my mom will no longer have a car seat for use in her car for the day she watches Arianna and the afternoon the nanny drops her off there. So in comes the Scenera for my moms car. At only $60 its a great value and rates very well in child safety.

So now, our daughter has 3 different car seats. That's so crazy! But at least she's well protected.

The best part of the new one that arrived today? That custom car seat cover still fits - its so darned cute too, I'll have to take a picture for you to see!

Now we just need to replace all the money in our savings...grr...

Boston Scientific Settles Guidant Lawsuit

I'm not sure if you heard all the media surrounding Guidant corporation and their failure to notify physicians and their families about defective defibrillators or not, so I'll give you a brief synopsis.

A young man (24 years old) died suddenly when his defibrillator (a device which I also have) failed to work as designed. It was determined to be a product defect - one which Guidant corporation knew of, failed to divulge, and tried to cover up.

Boston Scientific purchased Guidant and today the settlement was reached for the 4,000 affected people.

THE MATH
Agreed Settlement: $195 M
Attorney fees: $58 M
Attorney expenses: (not yet submitted)
Total to complaintants: $137 M*
Number of Litigants: 4,000
Amount to each litigant: $34,250*

*To be reduced - amount dependent on attorney expense charges.

The feeling of knowing they almost cost you your life and now won't even pay a third of the surgery cost (typically $110,000)? Priceless!

THOSE INVOLVED: MAY I SUGGEST YOU RISE UP IN PROTEST?!?!
YOU WERE SCREWED - WHEN THIS FIGURE FAILS TO COVER THE COST OF THE SURGERY!

Nice huh??

Walking...almost, not quite

Arianna has always 'tested developmentally delayed' due to her gross motor skills.

She's always behind.

She didn't start crawling until a week after her first birthday, right about the same time she pulled herself to a stand.

She's been walking, supported, since before she could crawl.

3 weeks ago she took 4 steps, for daddy, all by herself.

Apparantly the shock of doing so was too much - she got a horrified look on her face, promptly sat down and screamed for 10 minutes.

Now we can't even get her to stand up, let alone walk supported.

I didn't walk until I was 19 months but I don't want to see that happen to Arianna... I also didn't learn to ride a bike until I was almost 8 - always been sort of timid about stuff like that. You'd never know it now that I skydive though...

I think a call to PT is in order...

Goals...

My goal is to finish the optifast program at the mark where my BMI reaches the 'healthy range'.

Its not my ultimate goal - my ultimate goal is 13 lbs. under that weight, but...

Yesterday I stepped on the scale and I have entered the 'goal decade' - I have stepped into the decade of pounds (10 lb increments) that put me at my healthy BMI - I have 10 lbs. to lose to be considered healthy - 5 lbs. after that is my ultimate goal to finish this program by, but I'd be happy with 10... I haven't seen this decade since before I got pregnant.

I was so excited I had to wake up the hubby to show him... go me!

Lucky little girl

Arianna is lucky enough to have a grandma and grandpa who spoil her rotten.

Last week they picked up a new toy for her, the Laugh & Learn 2-in-1 Learning Kitchen!

I'm a little jealous...

When I was in 4th grade FP just started coming out with the first wave of these kitchen toys and even though I was pushing 10 or 11 I wanted one.

My parents went to Toys R Us and spoke to a nice sales lady who told them that the little tykes kitchen was made so much better, so much safer... for someone who is 5 or 6. Hello??! I'm 11 years old! Well, my parents got the little tykes one and I was very disappointed, but I played with my kitchen for months, every day and was very happy.

Arianna's kitchen is so much cooler, there lights and sounds and so many things to do...

I like playing with it more than she does!

Week 9

Ok, week 9 of OptiFast... and things are gong well. I'm averaging 3 lbs. a week so its going well. I'm really enjoying the progress!


Yesterday Arianna and I went to the Wrentham Outlets with my mother. I am in bad need of clothes (despite 'shopping' in my pre-pregnancy closet) and wanted to get some tops, at least. I got two totally cute tops at Gap and 3 great shirts at the Ann Taylor outlet (including the red tank above). Boy, I had fun, and thats rare when clothes shopping.

Now I have to find shoes....

Fear This!

I swear she looks just as mean and nasty as all the other Raiders fans...

And don't tell Nano (italian for grandpa) that she'll be a Patriots fan... I mean Mom is from Foxborough, home of the Patriots, after all! Heck, grandma and grandpa live only 1 mile from the stadium!

Whats the best part...

of having leg surgery on July 20th?

The fact that I will be 'laid up' for, at least, the weekend, giving me the chance to read the new Harry Potter book which comes out on the 21st!

Woo Hoo! I can't wait!!

Hope you had a great 4th of July!

I hope everyone had a fabulous 4th of July!

Our celebrations started the night before. The town next to my parents was having a fireworks display and so we went to that. They started at 9 o'clock, which is after Arianna's bed time (8 o'clock), but she stayed up anyway. My dad held her as they fireworks went off and, to my surprise, she was grinning and clapping - she seemed to really enjoy them. She fell asleep about half way through and we were quick to pack her up and head home, where she slept until 9 o'clock the next morning! I was really surprised, I almost thought something was wrong that we were able to sleep in so long!

The town we live in has a big parade on the morning of the 4th, so we packed up and walked over to that.

I was really impressed with the parade. It started out with a number of fire trucks from various localities in our town and from neighboring towns. They set off their sirens and made a lot of loud noise. I really thought Arianna would hate the noises, but like the night before she just giggled and clapped.

The parade continued and a number of groups passed by throwing candy to the crowd and waving. I even caught Arianna waving at some of them and got a few smiles and giggles when the clowns came by.

It was so nice to do something so 'normal' with her. I was really glad I was wearing my sunglasses that day. Being around other people, doing something 'normal' with my child, and watching how happy she was really brought a tear to my eye. I felt so foolish getting all weepy but it was really a happy 'mommy moment'.

Eventually a group of revolutionary war reenactors came by with muskets and one group fired the guns RIGHT in front of us. I went to pick up Arianna, sure she'd be in tears, but she wasn't. She just giggled and waved. WOW!

About 2/3 of the way through she started to get fussy and wanted some snacks. I brought puffs and some crackers with me and she ate and was happy.

Before we knew it it was over and we headed home again.

Arianna took a nap while we FINALLY put down mulch in our flower beds and then my parents came over with some sparklers for 'the bebe', and then we had some steaks on the grill.

It was hard coming back into work today as it really felt like Saturday yesterday...

And in case anyone cares (even though no one helped with my previous post), I've decided to go to New Orleans and hope my leg is A-OK by then...

I need your opinion

My best friend Karen is getting married in January. She wants 'one last girls only trip' before she gets married. Her friends have been polled and August 10th is the date. The place? New Orleans.

Neagtives to going:

• Its 2 weeks after my leg surgery, possibly lots of walking involved.
• The trip will cost about $700 total.
• Its August, in New Orleans...
• I don't know the others girls going very well, but they're likable enough
  
• It's a weekend away from 'baby duty'.
• I'm still on the diet so no drinking/eating.
  

Positives to going:

• I've never been to New Orleans before.
• I've never been on a girls only trip.
• It's a weekend away from 'baby duty'.
• I'll probably never have this chance again.
  

I really want to go but right now the negatives far out weight the positives. I'm swaying to saying no but what would you do in my footsteps? It could be really fun!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Arianna's bestest Dad ever!

Love you sweetie - I hope you had a great day! At 28 I may be the 'older woman' (by 7.5 months), but you'll always be the better man! hehe