I did it

I signed up for the optifast diet again.

I'm so fed up with myself.

I'm so mad I've lost control again. I'm so mad I'm nearly 'obese', according to my BMI. I worked so hard before. I was finally where I wanted to be, I was finally able to shop in normal stores and was so happy about how I looked.

Now I'm fat again and can't control my eating. I can't control what I binge on and can't stop crying about it.

This is a vicious circle and I have to break it.

Our budget is going to take a hit as I have buy the shakes, but we'll save money in groceries...

Hopefully by the end of the summer I'll be svelt again and if/when I become pregnant again I will be so much smarter about my eating so I don't put on 50 lbs. (30 lbs. after baby, which I have yet to loose an ounce of).

I can do this.

I can go all day only having shakes. The first few days are torture, but I can do it! The weight will come off quickly and I'll be sure to pay more attention to the 'maintaining' part of the program this time.

My meeting with the doctor is 5/4. Lifestyle evaluation (which is always 'humbling') is 5/7 and my exercise evaluation is 5/8.

One meal a day, 3 oz. of protein and 2 veggies. I can do it. Yes, yes I can...

Sigh.