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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

EMO sucks

I heard a story on WBRU while driving home at lunch yesterday to meet the plumber (aka. Dad) about our stopped up kitchen sink.

Need a definition of EMO? Click HERE In reality all you need to know is that it sucks and all the 'kids' that particpate in the EMO lifestyle are nothing more than whiny spoiled brats who feel the need to cry about how mommy and daddy took the Lexus away.

Here's a link: News Story

I can't help but laugh about it. I've been telling Shawn how much I hate EMO for years. Its just cry baby music. We're HUGE music fans (just check out the $3k stereo stystem and thousands of CDs in our living room) and you will not find ONE EMO album in our 'collection'... despite Shawn saying he likes some of it.

Jimmy Eat World... aka.. Jimmy Eat $h!t - I will actually turn OFF the radio if they come on. No lie, ask Shawn.

Fall Out Boy... have you heard their latest single? "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" ? Close your eyes while listening to it... now picture the backstreet boys on stage singing and dancing to it. Uncanny resemblance huh? Point proven... they suck.

My Chemical Romance, the black parade gets so much play on the radio. I listen to it and the begining is actually interesting about a parade and dad taking him to a parade, the drum work is actually pretty cool, I remember thinking, wow, this could change my mind about EMO (yes, it was a fleeting thought) ... and then it brakes off on some EMO $h!t about a girl (as usual) and I'm left saying "WTF?? WHERE DOES A BLACK PARADE FIT IN HERE? How the heck does dad/parade/girl mix??" and then their crying begins. If I hear it one more time I'm taking the radio out of my car... seriously.

It makes my skin crawl. I just want to scream "SHUT THE F*&$ UP YOU WHINY BRAT!", I'm not sure why this reaction is illicited, but its a really strong emotion for me - I just can't stand it.

I agree 110% with this guys rant. If I was more eloquent I would have wrote it myself: Great EMO SUCKS! rant

I think I'll nominate him for a pulitizer prize...

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Kids are scary

Kids scare me!

I never though I would say that before we had Arianna, but truth be told, she scares me. She scares me even more so because she's a preemie.

I have been going back and forth thinking about having another child. I probably will once I work through all these feelings, but the fact is, being a parent is scary.

When I was pregnant with Arianna it was no secret that I was not happy about it (note to self: never use the birth control patch again). I became pregnant at a skydiving boogie (the first and only one Shawn would go to) and it ended my promising skydiving career. I was so totally engulfed in skydiving at the time that it defined everything I did - from what I wore to how I talked to how I spent my money etc. It was surreal. Getting pregnant ended 'my fun'. I was pissed. My entire first trimester was spent in a deep depression, I cried every day. I cried not because I was going to be a prent, but because I was fully aware of the responsability that went with it and would have to 'grow up'. I was actually happy about having a baby because I always wanted to be a mom.

But not once during my pregnancy did I think that my child might be deformed in some way (ok, while waiting for the downs screen I did think that for a moment). There was some concern about me delivering early due to some cervical cancer scares/treatment when I was 18. But that would be due to incompetant cervix which, at my 20 week ultrasound, was determined not to be an issue. So I went on my merry way.

Then she came early, very early. At 28 weeks they have no fat on their body. You don't expect, when you first see your baby, that they would be 'wrinkly'. I didn't expect, when changing her diaper, that you wouldn't be able to tell where her 'nether regions' where because there was no fat to define it. I will always remember holding her that first time and being able to see all the bones in her skull.

I remember when I went into Labor and I was laying on the bed in the ED and the doctor came in, did an exam and said I was 3 cm dialated. My reaction surprised me - I was excited! My baby would be coming soon! I was born at 30 weeks (I thought 29 but my Dad corrected me) and because I 'turned out fine' I wasn't worried. So even those first 5 days when we were in the NICU prior to moving to the step down nursery I was ok. I chatted with the nurses and read books and was happy. My daughter was doing great - she was off the ventilator after 18 hours and only on CPAP for 2 days after that. She had her first bowel movement without problems and was even taking my breastmilk via gavage - she was doing great and everyone we saw told us that.

The real scare came 4 days before she was to go home (40 days after she'd been there). I arrived at the hospital after work and a woman with a large machine was at her crib and had a probe on her head. Huh? I asked her what she was doing and she told me a cranial ultrasound to look at her brain. Um, why are you doing that? Talk to the doctors I was told. So I asked one of the nurses what was going on and she said it was a follow-up cranial ultrasound (why would one need a follow up unless the first was questionsable?!), but she checked her chart and was told that the first one came back fine. In reality, I would learn at her first pediatrician appointment that my daughter had an MRI and it showed a grade II intraventricular hemorrage (IVH). In addition to that she would have her hearing tested multiple times and we took home a baby we believed was deaf.

Suddenly she wasn't the normal baby I thought she would be. She wasn't the normal baby I was led to believe. All the media and all the stories about premature babies say they just need time to 'catch up'. My family, who is well versed with preemies, all said she'd be fine. Friends, coworkers, perfect strangers all said the same thing. Well, now I was sad for her - because she wouldn't be 'normal'. She may have brain damage! This is not normal. She may be deaf! This is not normal.

Arianna's birthday is coming up and, so far, she is doing fabulously! She's starting to walk, which is ahead of her developmental timeline, and she babbles incesantly. Although she continues to 'fail' her hearing tests its because of fluid in her middle ear which will hopeful subside in a few months. She's been in the pediatric intensive care unit at our children's hospital twice in the last year, but never for long and she always 'bounces back' quickly. She is doing really well.

But I realize how lucky we are. I know of a cute little boy born at 30 weeks (so 2 weeks after Arianna) who would develop a horrible brain hemorrhage and will be severely disabled. I met a ex-32 week preemie young woman a few weeks ago who was in a wheel-chair due to her cerebral palsy (a result of her brain hemorrhage). But I know many more who are perfectly fine (myself and my brother (and ex-32 weeker) included).

This makes me scared of trying again!

Because we've had one preemie I have a very high chance of having another. While we will try every precaution known to modern medicine it has a good chance of not being affective. So we'll have another preemie. Prior to learning about IVH the thought of trying again wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. After Arianna came home I started looking for preemie support groups and, unfortunately, learned so much about the affects of prematurity that I'm scared!

I also understand that even full term kids can have trouble, but the chances of an IVH are much higher with preemies, so the 'gamble' of having a kid if I was sure it would be full term is something we feel ok taking. The 'gamble' of having a kid that would be a preemie? Not so sure, yet.

Would I feel ok being a parent of a child with a disability? Given time, yes, I'm sure I'd love that child with all my heart. Would I wish they weren't disabled, you betcha! But I doubt I would love them any less. But knowing how I am with finances and financial planning, it would be very nerve wracking in the begining. Finding a daycare or nanny to take a disabled child would be close to impossible so I would have to quit my job. Quitting my job would create money problems which would strain our marriage and could cause a divorce. It happens often to families with disabled children, and that is very scary too!

The worst part of a child disabled due to an IVH is that they 'look' completely normal. The US seems to be more understanding of people that 'look' disabled - such as downs or para-palegic. I wouldn't have to explain anything to people as they would know my child was 'disabled'. Its similar to hearing "oh, she just needs time to catch up, she'll be fine!", when in reality, that child could be classified as 'mentally retarded'. I know this is the case as I see it with my mother.

I love my mom. My mom has bi-polar disorder and is a recovering alcoholic, and as a result is on social security disability and will never be able to live on her own. I know that if my father passes away I will be left with the responsability of caring for my mother. But my mother is looked at, by the general public (and to some degree, her family) as being lazy and unmotivated. In reality, she is truely disabled - she can't hold down a job or handle things that would be needed of something 'on their own' (financial aspects, car maintenance etc.). But she 'looks normal' (whatever that is). She doesn't look disabled. I see the affect this has on her when she' out in public and even in psychiatric hospitals - its almost like its bred into US society.

Thats why I think its harder having a child that is disabled and 'looks normal' vs. having a physical disability.

Anway... getting back on track. Kids are scary! So scary that it makes me question having more children. I know every mom goes through these feelings and it will just take time, but the worry is always there and I guess the degree to which I let it affect me will answer the 'should we have more kids' question.

I remember seeing a book once that was about 'letting go of your views of the ideal child and loving the child you have'. I've searched far and wide for it and can't find it, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please let me know. I want to read it now.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

These shoes were made for...

Her new PT wants a neuro consult because she hasn't made any progress crawling. She's actually doing the same things while on her tummy that she was doing over Thanksgiving.

The neurologist hasn't called to set it up yet, and I'll tell them 'never mind' when they do...and this is why:

I'm such a proud mama today!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Redeeming Qualities

So the entire family slept until 7:30 am this morning, which is amazing! I mean it, for Arianna its like a new world record.

She was really good for grandma yesterday and she did take about 3 hours worth of naps during the day. She still managed to have 20 oz. of milk yesterday but she didn't feel like eating many solids - which I can understand if she's not feeling well.

I got off I-95 N at the Rt. 140 exit in Foxboro, so that I could get gas (no close gas stations getting off at the N. Main St. Exit). I drove through the center of town and stopped at the Cumberland Farms on Mechanic St.

I'm not sure why, but being back in Foxboro always gives me the creeps - like I don't belong. I really did like growing up in Foxboro (ok, after 8th grade - up until then I wanted to run back to Boston as I felt I was the focus of taunts and ridicule by the kids in my grade) and especially in High School I found I really had 'found my place' with music and gained alot of self confidence. But for some reason I don't feel I belong there and I seldom drive through town. I drive to my parents house and back to the highway, which are fairly close to each other.

I was really hoping that I wouldn't see anyone I knew at Cumberland Farms. I pumped my gas quickly and got back in the car. As I was putting on my seat belt I looked around at the people and realized that everyone I saw was over 40. Wow, the census stuff is right - 80% of the people in that town are over 40. It is an expensive town to live in, if I remember correctly the median home price is over $350k now. We paid much less than that for our first house, I couldn't imagine paying over $300k, WOW!

So I got my my parents and was greeted at the door by my Dad holding my beautiful daughter, who was all smiles. She is just too darn cute! But I have to remember to tell my mom to do the whole pig tails thing better - she looked like she had ant antenna on her head... no wonder my mom cut my hair into 'the Dorothy Hamill' until I was 9, she was really bad at hair!

My brother had called me at work today. He was at Best Buy buying a laptop and wanted to know if the qualities he saw were 'good'. In reality, for what he's going to use a laptop for (a beer bottle rest) anything other than a Pentium 386 is going to work for him. But he paid $800 for an HP that actually sounds really good. Being that my entire family is totally computer illiterate (its funny to talk to them about what I do... "Yes Mom, I wrote a program that does just that"... boy would they be floored by the PRV430 file importer I just wrote! hahaha), Jim wanted me to 'optomize' his machine for him.

Um, 'optomize', reminded me of Optimus Prime
that he was so found of as a kid.

He picked up a cingular aircard which I really feel is overkill for him, especially at $60/month... but hey, its his money if he wants to blow it. He paid $150 for the card and I can almost guarantee it'll be broken by spring. His new machine is slick looking - it has a 100 GB hard drive which I'm envious of (I've got 90 GB on my work machine but only 40 GB on my home laptop), and 1 GB of memory (my personal machine has less but my Dell has a gig). And it has Windows Vista... I was anxious to play.

Ok, windows vista sucks. I've never been so annoyed by an operating system before. Every time I did almost anything a window popped up to ask me if I really wanted to do that. The real kicker came when I was installing the airbus card - apparantly cingular didn't realease a driver with the card that was compatable with Vista. In the past windows would just let you install it anyway because if it worked with a previous version of windows it would work with the current, something called 'backwards compatability'... well I guess Vista doesn't want to deal with possible headaches and doesn't do 'backwards compatability' very well. It was funny that the error message said I could connect to the internet to get the latest version... um, ya, I'll get right on that chief... with an airbus card that will actually let me connect... fruckin' geniuses.

I have a love hate relationship with microsoft. I'm a .NET programmer. Microsoft .NET is the Microsoft strategy for connecting systems, information, and devices through Web services so people can collaborate and communicate more effectively. .NET technology is integrated throughout Microsoft products, providing the capability to quickly build, deploy, manage, and use connected, security-enhanced solutions through the use of Web services. (official MS release statement). I do most of my programming in C#, and have never written anything for the web using it... despite MS statement. Windows is written in a combo of C/C++ and assembly. These are very basic level languages and have been around for almost 30 years. When Microsoft releases a new version of windows it is usually just a rebuild of the current version - an ammendment. I do ammendments to my programs often, why re-invent the wheel. But I think that a company as large as MS can do a better job of quality control - many of their operating systems are released unfinished. This is one reason why I always wait for the first 'service pack' before installing.

Anyway, Jim will be coming over with a new aircard sometime today and I'll get to play more.

So Ari and I stuck at my parents house through dinner and a movie. They have sattelite and get a great channel called the independent film channel (IFC). We watched The Ninth Gate with Johnny Depp and Lena Olin. I really enjoyed Lena Olin when she stepped in as Syd's mom on Alias so was excited to see the movie - and surprisingly it was fantastic. Highly recommended.

Arianna was angel the whole night. My parents just love her to bits, which is very cool. We left about 9 PM and Ari slept the ride home and even getting her out of the car and into the house. I sat in the recliner just rocking her (still in her coat and cute hat) for about 30 min. before puttin her in her crib. She slept until 7:30 this morning... what a great kid.

And yes, her cold is much better - thank god.

On the docket for today is cleaning...and laundry. I have to get some time downstairs today, have to finish my scrapbooking swap (ok, I have to start it). Shawn offered to go food shopping and I'll go to BJs to get Ari diapers and baby food. Its still sub-freezing outside, so Ari doesn't step outside, again. The winter lockdown thing is hard... I'm anxious for spring.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Song to make you think...

I've never had a song speak to me so much. If this isn't about a parent sitting at the side of an incubator looking at their child, call me crazy (I'm sure you'll do that anyway)...

Stone Sour's Through Glass

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
No one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home

Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Chorus: (x2)

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And we go round and round and round and...

Yesterday was quite possibly the worst day we've had since I went part time at work. She's sick, which I can understand so the rest of this is really just me venting.

She was cranky all day. She has a stomach bug (I think) and was running a slight fever (99.9) so she wouldn't drink bottles (of anything, even pedialyte) but she would eat. Problem was she'd throw it up. After breakfast (rice and oatmeal cereal with some peaches, mixed with mama milk) I gave her her Axid (reflux med) and some infant robitussin. She's been hacking up a storm. Well she wasn't prepared to swallow or whatever so she threw it up, Axid...cereal...robitussin. Well, I know she didn't get any of the medicines so I attempted to give her them again... and she threw up again. I was in tears at this point because she's screaming the entire time and throwing a fit and all I want is for her to feel better and stop being whiny baby. At that point I kinda gave up on the medicine figuring I didn't want to over-medicate her... and I called my mom and all I could do when she said hello was scream "WE ARE _NOT_ HAVING A GOOD MORNING HERE!"... she chuckled.

So I give her a bath and change her clothes and attempt to rock her to sleep (mind you, she didn't sleep at all the night before), and she did seem to fall asleep. So I put her in the crib, turned on her AngelCare Monitor and quickly jumped in the shower. No sooner did I rinse my hair do I hear her screaming. Knowing she would be like that all day I finished my shower, dried off quickly and got to her room to find she had thrown up (surprise)... so another bath and outfit and new bed linens... and one frayed mommy. I attempted to give her a bottle and she would have none of that and wouldn't sit on the floor alone. Even holding her and just walking wasn't working. Tylenol was given and she calmed down for a little bit, so I put her on the floor to play with some toys again. She whined and complained the rest of the morning.

Lunch time... dad came home for lunch and she was being cute. The second he leaves bedlam ensues and I had had enough. I did something I swore I would never do... I put her in the swing and put a baby einstein video on repeat! Gasp!

There she stayed for more than an hour allowing me to wash some clothes and clean up the kitchen area. It was wonderful. She was being so good for the remainder of the afternoon - but she did not sleep. By 4 PM she had only had 10 oz. of milk and I knew she needed to sleep so I called Shawn and told him after dinner we would go for a drive, she always sleeps well in the car - especially with her new Britax car seat (Shannon print).

I was able to make dinner while Arianna played in her jumper or in her exersaucer.

The macaroni and cheese turned out great! I had to add some salt to the cheese mixture as the mustard just made it too tangy. Next time I'll have to add more cheese as it seemed to dry out a bit.

The cherry chocolate crisp turned out great too - and I was super skeptical about it, but boy oh boy was it tasty!

Arianna ate just a half a jar of baby food for dinner and had another 4 ounces of mama milk and we decided a car ride was what she needed.

Snow... yes, the winter that never was decided to snow. Big flakes too, but we decided we'd head out anyway. We drove around for an hour and she slept about 40 minutes of that. As soon as we got home I changed her into a sleeper and handed her to daddy with a bottle and went back to pump.

By 9 o'clock I was in bed, exhausted and Dad and Ari watched Easy Rider. Dad had trouble getting her to go to bed (which woke me up a few times but without enough motivation to actually get up and help LOL), but by 11 PM she was asleep!

...and she slept all night...

I hope she's good for grandma today. Sent her off with her albuterol/spacer, tylenol, robitussin and 3 bottles. I'll be shocked if she drinks them all.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Never ending Night

So we're in a full blown sleep crisis here... for mom and dad. Arianna seems completely unphazed.

She's got a bad cold, again (hopefully we don't end up in the hospital this one). She's snot nosed, wheezing, hacking cough and... up all night! All the times she was in the hospital and the nurses would deep suction her nose they would always comment on the enourmous amount of 'stuff' up there. She sounds like she really needs a good bulb suction - but when I try, nothing comes out, its all WAY back there. I wonder if that would make her a good candidate for adnoid removal when she gets older?

It's so very hard to not get upset when she starts screaming at 2 AM, 20 minutes after you spent 30 min. rocking her to sleep - but last night was especially hard to keep my cool. I did kick hubby out of bed at 3 AM to go rock her back to sleep though. We can't even just let her cry herself back to sleep because eventually she will make herself throw up, and it can happen early in a crying spell or it can happen after 20 min. into a crying spell, we just never know - so when she starts crying we have to get up or risk having to change the crib bedding and give her a bath; both of which are not great options at 2 AM.

So up for the day about 6:30 AM and I warm up a 4 oz. mama milk bottle and kick hubby out of bed to give it to her. I go back to her room to pump and I hear hubby in the living room "Oh man! That's gross!" Yep, she threw up her breakfast, just like she threw up her dinner last night. All over his lap (and mind you, he's dressed for work already, ugh!) and the rug. Ari doesn't seem bothered too badly by throwing up, after its done. She goes right back to babbling. Last night was rough because the throwing up was a result of gagging on all the nasal snot (sorry for the description, it does sound nasty) and it caused a 'wave' of nausea - it took her a little over 10 seconds for everything to come up and she had this look of horror on her face, like she couldn't breathe. Eventually the vomitting stopped and she gargled and started screaming. Um, ok, I guess that means not peaches for dessert huh?

So after I finished pumping I went into her closet and grabbed the nebulizer. We had just put it away after her last cold (that landed her in the hospital for a few days) and I really hate to bring it out again. In my mind, its a sign she's a sickly kid - and I want a normal kid... I'm not sure why it bothers me, I used a nebulizer quite a bit as a teen.

But she really does take her nebulizer treatments like a champ, even putting the nozzle in her mouth for most of the treatment. Its really cute.

After the treatment was done (during which I had to wipe her nose no less than 5 times!) she drank the reamining 2 oz. in her bottle and I sat her down to play with toys while I made my breakfast (store brand honey nut cherrieos, with a banana YUM!) and a big cup of tea. She's playing very well and not at all bothered by the coughing (or that fact that her nose is leaking all down her chin... ick). She's getting a bit fussy and I hope that means she'll go down for a nap soon.

She was to go to the audiologist for another hearing test and I was to go to the chiropractor for more work on my neck - well, I'm cancelling both. The audiologist I'm sure we'll throw a fit as this is supposed to be a follow up to her horrendous 6 month (adjusted) exam (she had lots of fluid in her ears and they want to check when the fluid is gone), and was supposed to be completed in 4 weeks. Well at 4 weeks she was back in the hospital with this horrible cold that took more than a month to get over. So we rescheduled for 3 weeks later and now I'm cancelling.

Well, I don't care. Her OT and PT tested her receptive understanding and speech and she's ahead - I have no concerns that she can't hear its just the level to which she can hear that is a concern. The audiologist wants to catch problems early so they can get hearing aids ordered or ENT appointments made. Well, I'm not worried about problems - she's obviously processing what she does hear well and I don't plan on her seeing an ENT for possible tube surgery or worse any time soon. (And yes, I know tube surgery is very simple - I just don't want her to go through surgery again).

So this morning we're listening to Yo-Yo Ma's (the cellist): Silk Road Journeys: Beyond the Horizon . When I first heard this CD in a music listening station at a music store I was skeptical as it contains alot of far eastern influence which I find tiring to listen to (it strains my ears) - but I was very pleasantly surprised to really enjoy it. It takes me back to my music appreciation 101 class when I was a music ed major - we listened to alot of far eastern music and I really enjoyed it. Anyway, I think you should check out that CD, I give it 4 stars out of 5 and its very enjoyable.

On the docket for today, since we're inside... laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dishes. All the usual stuff. I would also like to get some time down in the basement trying to finish unpacking the 'game room'. I never realized just how much scrapbooking stuff I had until I had to unpack it all. I also have to finish a swap I'm in. I seriously doubt I'll be able to finish everything with a sick kid, but I can be hopeful! I'm going to make a new baked macaroni and cheese recipe for dinner and a new chocolate cherry crisp - I hope they turn out good!

So my cup of tea is getting cold and Arianna is starting to pull at the laptop, so I'll leave you with her heiness, in all her grumpy glory:

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

New Counter

I placed a very monumental counter in the header section today.

As of today, February 21, there are only 27 days until I can stop pumping (hopefully).

Arianna's 1 year old pediatrician appintment is March 19th and I plan on stopping pumping after we get the OK from her doctor. Although Arianna still has reflux and is still on medicine for it she seems to tolerate dairy pretty well - since my parents have been watching her she's been getting increasing amounts of ice cream every day (her ped actually said it was good for her, my dad loves giving it to her and she can't get enough of it), and tolerating it very well.

So I hope the transition to dairy goes smoothly because I am so very ready to detach myself from the danm pump! I want my boobies back! I want my free time back! I want to stop washing pump parts every day!

Ok, vent over. I see I failed to mention how very proud of myself I am - pumping for an entire year... wow.

Arianna being a preemie was traumatic enough but her not being able to breastfeed was by far the hardest thing for me to deal with. I tried for 18 weeks to get her to latch and she never got it - and at the end I didn't even want to pump anymore and even once called my preemie princess a 'retard' out of frustration. I cried so hard after I made that comment, it was so unfair to her, it wasn't her fault - but I realized that I would not be able to maintain my sanity if I kept trying to get her to feed at the breast, so a life of pumping began.

And I am very ready for it to end.

"Invalid Entry"

Throwing up while screaming does not mean that she 'won'. And I do consider it incredibly unfair that she does that, it makes me feel bad for making her scream but she really has to learn that pulling on my coffee cup is not allowed (and thus taking it away from her reach).

I know she's tired, I know she has another cold... but... well, its not playing fair.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub

Arianna seems to be in a phase where napping is the worst part of her day...

She has been sleeping, on average 3 hours during the day, usually spread out over 3 naps. It was like clockwork, she'd be up between 6 -7 and then down about 10 for an hour and a half. Well, my mother was watching her today and she only slept for 1 hour total. I got there and her eyes were horribly red and she had big bags under her eyes - its obvious the poor baby is exhausted, but put her down for a nap? No way!

We took a ride down to Mystic, CT yesterday and the best part of the trip was the long ride down - about 75 min. We drove down, stopped at Dunkin' Donuts (white hot chocolate...::drool::) and drove home. We barely stopped the car and Arianna slept the ENTIRE time - she needed it so badly.

But a normal part of her day is spent rubbing her eyes and fussing. You think you can put up with the screaming? After 30 min. I give up...

I can, however, rock her to sleep. This usually takes 20 minutes. I am not hoping that this becomes a ritual with her!

Hopefully she outgrows it soon.

Been a while

Wow, its been a while since I've been in the blogosphere! I started this blog before I was pregnant and my life is so vastly different now. I haven't been skydiving since September 2005!

Since the last post we have had a baby girl, Arianna Frances, who is almost a year in age - March 13th. She was due May 28th but decided March sounded better. She arrived at 28.5 (I like 29 better!) weeks, weighing 2 lbs. 15 oz. and spent 43 days in the Neonatal Intensive care unit (NICU).

To say she is the light of my life would be an understatement. She has made me reevaluate everything in my life, all the things I hold near and dear mean nothing if it doesn't include her.

In addition to that we left our apartment in the Providence metro area and moved to the suburbs (where I longed to be) and bought a cute house in Cumberland. It's still taking me a while to get used to the quiet - as its so very hard to get used to darkness and tranquility (we live in the woods) as we were on the highway in Providence and noise was constant.

Our life is slowly falling into place!