I'm not sure if it's the fact that its raining and windy outside (throwing millions of leaves on my lawn that I'll have to spend alot of time cleaning up this weekend), the fact that Daria was up 5 times last night, the fact that Arianna didn't get a great sleep last night either or what... but today is an unusually hard day for me.Daria was so lovely yesterday - it was so nice. My parents treated me to an early birthday present and gave me some money to get clothes. I got 4 sweaters and 3 pairs of pants at Kohl's while they watched Arianna for me. My mom found great tops for me and DeeDee was such a doll the whole day - she was wonderful, for a change. Last night was a different story.
Arianna didn't nap yesterday and was playing really hard with me and my dad at the mall yesterday (running ALL over the place) so she was wiped out come 5 PM, but it was much too late to nap of course, so she stayed awake being a total brat until I put her to bed at 7 PM - but not before she physically abused my poor elderly cat TiSan! She kicked him hard into the basement door and I couldn't even get him to come near me all night. I don't usually advocate spanking a child but this is a problem we've been dealing with with Arianna for a while now - she loves to use her feet/legs to 'interact' with the cats. Well, this time she really hurt him and I let her know what that feels like and then put her in 'time out' for 5 minutes. She was totally hysterical and quickly went to bed afterwards... thank goodness.
8:30 PM I went to go check on her - she was asleep behind the door and opening the door woke her up. 11 PM same thing. Dad went to bed at 1:30 AM and she was again behind the door. She's been really good about this since we got her her new 'big girl bed' and had been sleeping in it but I blame the busy day and extreme tiredness on how she slept, and thus, how she was acting this morning (super whiny).
As soon as Arianna went to bed Daria went on a binge - she ate clear through to 10 PM and then nursed for 40 minutes(!!) when we went to bed at 10:30. So why is it that she would nurse 4 seperate times during the night? She's supposed to be going longer at night, no hording up for the next day! I am really tired of this!! On top of that she's been crying/whining all day today too! Grrr...
Trying to do schoolwork with Arianna today wasn't easy. I took away markers when she started coloring on the table and she screamed and screamed until she woke up her sister (who was taking on of her very short 4 min. 'cat naps') and then the two of them were screaming.
I'm not kidding - I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. Why do I feel so inadequate at this? Why do I let a 2 year old and a 2 month old do this to me?
Why? Because I want to be a great mom and when I can't control my anger/annoyance with Arianna or my patience with Daria I feel very sad - I need to do better, but then again, I'm learning too.
2 comments:
Sigh. I left a comment yesterday. Twice, in fact. Sadly, it seems to not have posted. Blogger and Livejournal are not playing nice. I'll leave this one anonymously, but you know who I am. So, as to what I said:
You are controlling it. You locked yourself in the bathroom. That's exactly the right thing to do. I know it doesn't feel like it, but consider the alternatives.
I know I don't have kids yet, but I don't know any parents who haven't admitted to sometimes locking themselves in the bathroom. And that includes MY parents, which you know is saying something. I'm sorry you had a bad day but I wanted to let you know: You're a good mom.
-Rachel
Thanks Rachel! Today is much better day now that everyone has had a good nights sleep.
I can only hope I'd be as patient as your parents someday - its a goal worth trying for anyway! ;)
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