Do we, parents, perpetuate a feeling of competitiveness at the cost of friendship/understanding?
- my child walked before yours
- our lives suck more than yours/are better than yours
- my child does this and yours doesn't
- I don't/do post about this so I'm better than you
Seriously...
I've talked to a few parents lately that leave me with a feeling that they are competing with other moms for the title of 'best mom' or something else completely irrelevant.
I don't understand this. I hate feeling like I have to compare my parenting to someone else's or my child to another - doing so creates stress and I hate that. Why do people do that? Do they like conflict or the stress it creates? Does it make you feel better to try to tear others down? I'm sure I've been guilty of this before but I can tell you that I'm working on it - I don't want others to feel they have to compare themselves to me or to decisions I have made. I don't want to seem like I'm better than anyone else - if anything I want people to feel like I am just like them. I want people to feel I'm approachable and can empathize on their level.
I'm trying to understand the thought process that goes along with competing - is it a form of 'survival of the fittest'?
Although its cliche "can't we all just get along?". Or as my grandmother used to say "you catch more flies with honey"... Just saying 'Yes, I understand what you mean/where you are coming from' can go so much farther than 'I'm better than you cause you don't do 'X''.
It's sad. I bet we could all do so much better, on a whole, with more support toward each other.
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2 comments:
I agree with you, but I think it's in our nature (possibly a survival mechanism like you said). I remember that I was comparing Michael to other babies in the NICU. I stopped that really quickly, when I found out that every baby is unique (even when they are twins). You really CAN'T compare any of them. I also try to focus on the good things, the achievements of my baby and not on the things he can't do according to all the medical 'professionals'. Maybe I'm in denial, but when I see how my baby is reaching for his toys (even though he is 9 months old), it just fills my heart with pride!!!
it seems to be in our very nature this machisma we have with our mothering and our babies.
i hate it but i confess i am guilty at times.
i believe we can rise above it but damn if it doesn't take a lot of effort sometimes. still if we all consciously made a little effort imagine what a world we mommies would make.
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