On a normal day I leave work and drive to the daycare to pick up Arianna and then head home. Monday nights Shawn picks her up as I have to go straight from work to weigh in at the weight loss program.Today is Tuesday. Today I left work and drove straight home. Turned onto my street and nearly into my driveway before I realized... hey, who's picking up the baby today? Its funny to me that I sometimes forget I'm a mom. Some days I look at Arianna and just say "I can't believe you're here. I can't believe your ours".
So I drive all the way back toward work to pick her up arriving very late.
Yep, the (sarcastically) world's worst mom award goes to me - I nearly abandoned her at daycare.
When I arrived she wasn't in the infant room, she was in the yearling room, which is for kids from 12 months (walkers/feeding themselves) to 30 months (roughly). The daycare workers tell me Arianna really likes the yearling room as they have lots of cool toys for her to play with. The infant room on the other hand has lots of swings, which she outgrew (developmentally) along time ago.
Yet Arianna doesn't walk yet, and its quite feeding herself yet.
Seeing her with the other kids in the yearling room really made me see just how tiny Arianna is compared to other kids her age. Now I'm not just saying she's just short or skinny - she's tiny. She looks so much younger than her age and it makes me somewhat sad for her. I'm not sure why. At this age is doesn't matter a bit, your size.
Developmentally it hit me also. She may be at the developmental age for the toys in that room yet she is no where near as proficient a walker as those children (she only walks holding onto something). Feeding is still a challenge for us too. For instance, at the moment I am trying to get her to eat a Beech Nut Stage 3 dinner: Tender Chicken & Stars. She won't have almost any of it. I just gave her a piece of bread with some peanut butter on it and she just sticks her hands on it. She'll nibble if I put it close to her mouth though. I don't think the lack of teeth is helping.
I hate feeling sorry for my daughter/me when she doesn't match up to her peers. Why do I feel I have to do that when she's only 14 months old? Why am I so worried about her not being older?
Is this a standard set in our society that everyone has to match up? Equality is cherished, being different is not. If I'm having such a hard time with this what about parents of preemies who have serious development problems? What about the babies that won't walk until 2, if at all or have feeding tubes? What about the babies that are blind? How do their families cope?
I can only hope that the entire 'preemie experience' has made me more tolerant of people with disabilities.
1 comment:
sometimes i do hate the fact that my 5 1/2 y/o boy is only 3 feet tall while his peers are more than head and shoulder above him. one of his iep goals in preschool was to stand up for himself. well, he has reached that goal and is, sometimes, a bit of a bully. it's then amusing to see this 30 pounder pushing around kids twice his size but the same age. i know the real challenge will come in years to come...a tiny girl (like my (full term) 11 year old who barely fits in girls' size 8 clothes) is more accepted than say a tiny junior high age boy...but i will cross that bridge when we come to it.
like you, i find i am much more tolerant now that the short bus stops at our house.
as far as that worst mommy award, you might have to wrestle it away from me....my older kids will confrim that truth.
p.s. rumor has it that the short bus on't be stopping at my circus next year.
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